Go deep with baseball's hottest housewife
Right after Anna Benson took her first photograph for her FHM cover, she found out from her husband, Kris, that he had been traded from the New York Mets to the Baltimore Orioles. “I can’t believe they traded him for a bag of balls,” Anna said, referring to Jorge Julio and John Maine, the pitchers the Mets received in return.
But don’t worry about this 30-year-old Atlanta native. In addition to being the new belle of Baltimore, she has a reality show and a radio show in development, and an Internet poker site that could
earn her a higher salary than Kris will this year. “In the poker world, they call me Gold Digger, because I dig gold out of other players’ pockets. That’s what some people think of me anyway, so I’ll have fun with it.”
Maybe that’s why Anna isn’t so worried about her husband’s trade. “It’s fine,” she says. “Daddy got Baltimore and Mommy’s got New York all to herself now.” And Kris should have no problem with a new town full of reporters. He is used to answering questions about his wife’s provocative behavior. But he’s not used to answering questions about Anna from his toughest critic—Anna herself.
ANNA: Do you get nervous when I go on shows like Howard Stern and say that I’ll sleep with all of your teammates if you cheat on me?
KRIS: I get some butterflies in the stomach. But I think you handle that stuff well. The thing is, you’ve always told me that. It’s been a running joke since we started going out. It caught the people who aren’t really in our circle by surprise. But our friends hear that all the time. I guess now that Howard Stern’s on satellite radio, there’s no limit to what you can say.
ANNA: If I did ever let you cheat on me, and I never will, who would you pick to do it with?
KRIS: Miss Oklahoma. She won the Miss America pageant, didn’t she? I had her scouted out from the beginning.
ANNA: Well, you liked Jenny McCarthy when she was a brunette. And Jenna Jameson when she was a brunette too.
KRIS: If you’re a brunette and you have certain assets, you definitely move to the top of the list.
ANNA: Plus, the girls have to be able to do pole tricks, right?
Kris: You’ve got to have some skills.
ANNA: What annoys you most about me?
KRIS: Sometimes you talk in the megaphone voice. When you can’t control the volume, that’s when I tell you to turn it down a notch.
ANNA: Yeah, when you tell me that, I get pissed. If we do a reality show, what part of our life will be off-limits?
KRIS: Well, the bedroom is our only sanctuary. At around 9 p.m., the kids have to be in bed and the door gets locked. By about 10 p.m., it’s lights out.
ANNA: Yeah, right! You’re eating in the kitchen until all hours. Then you come into the bedroom about midnight and I’m exhausted from dealing with the kids all day, and you’re like, “Let’s bang!” And I’m like, “No way.” It’s not fair. You won’t have sex the day you pitch or the day before. If you add in spring-training games, that’s like 82 days out of the year you won’t fuck me. And when I can’t have it, that’s when I really want it.
KRIS: I give in once in a while.
ANNA: Almost never. And if you add in the days on the road and the days I’m on my period, we’re not having nearly enough sex. Speaking of sex, what will you do if someone comes around to take out our rapidly buxoming 12-year-old daughter?
KRIS: Well, she was interested in a boy recently and he looked like he was a man. He was 16, so that was out. I can see this being a problem down the road, because when you were growing up. . . .
ANNA: Say it. I liked to bang guys.
KRIS: I was going to say that guys were pursuing you at an early age because of the size of your breasts.
ANNA: I had 34DDs when I was 14, so guys have been chasing me around ever since. My dad taught me how to drive a stick shift when I was 13.
KRIS: Well, if someone comes around to date our oldest girl, I may have him clean my AR15. That’s a military assault rifle. He might have to see that or my .50-caliber handgun. He probably wouldn’t make it past [our] 10 dogs.
ANNA: The Doberman would eat his face. When are you going to win a Cy Young?
KRIS: I try not to even think about that.
ANNA: If you win one, you can do anything you want to me. I’ll do anything.
KRIS: You made that promise to me, what, a year-and-a-half ago?
ANNA: That’s 50 free times up the ass for real. I’m just saying.
KRIS: Jesus.
ANNA: How did you feel when you heard you got traded to the Orioles?
KRIS: I thought it might happen during spring training, which would have been terrible. You have to change teams, find a place to live during spring training, find a place to live in Baltimore. It’s a lot with the kids in school. Leo Mazzone, my new pitching coach, has reassured me that he’s going to show me some stuff that’s going to help my career. I’m excited.
ANNA: I think it’s going to be great because while you’re on the road, I’ll be in New York doing my thing, and every time I say something, some slimy little tabloid reporter can’t run across town to your locker to get a comment.
KRIS: I’m sure it’s not going to stop, but it should slow down a bit. I’m going to be going to new cities now, and I’m sure I’m going to get asked about you, but it comes with your career. I’m more conservative than you are, so not having to comment so much will give me a chance to relax and do my thing.
ANNA: Plus, you won’t have to pick up the New York Post and flip through to all those photos of me to get to one of you. It makes me feel bad to get so much more attention like that. It doesn’t matter how many awards or rings you win, a baseball wife having opinions and not staying in the background is going to get attention no matter what. I want to see you get the attention you deserve. Do your teammates ever tease you about me?
KRIS: They joke about it. Some guys, I’m sure they don’t like some things you say, but they won’t come out and say it.
ANNA: Sports are so conservative they don’t allow any sexuality. People want more than sports. They want drama. I’m a television personality and a baseball personality. I’m hoping to provide a shred of entertainment because I’m bored. I mean, 162 games a year, three-and-a-half hours a game. I lose my mind.
KRIS: I think talking about baseball is boring. So I find all this pretty entertaining. I think it’s funny listening to all these grown men sounding like little girls when they talk about you. You know they get their little panties in a ruffle.
ANNA: Like Jim Rome. For a year-and-a-half, he’s been saying my 15 minutes of fame is up, but I’m still here. If he’s going to sit there and run his mouth off about me, at least have me on the show so I can defend myself. He’s a little chicken shit. I’ll go on your show anytime, Jim. I’ll wear flats. I can’t wait to have a show, so I can have him come on as my guest. I’ll have a highchair there for you, Jim. But back to Baltimore. What can people expect from us?
KRIS: Well, I think they’ll see the real you and not the tabloid you—someone who’s charitable and wants to help people. Baseball is such a short career in the grand scheme of things, and we’re going to live our life to the fullest. Just because I’m playing baseball, I’m not going to stop you from living your dream or having fun while I’m doing it. There are so many other things out there besides just playing baseball. I really don’t care what other people think.
ANNA: I hope the people of Baltimore will keep an open mind. I know I would never be where I am today without you, Kris. It never would have worked if I were married to any other baseball player. You definitely wear the pants in the family, but you let me do my thing. You’re very non-judgmental. Remember I can say the things you can’t, and when you’re dealing with a married couple, people never know if some of the stuff that I’m saying comes from you. We’re separate people with separate careers. I don’t have to answer questions about you when you get your ass handed to you on the mound. You shouldn’t have to answer questions about me. In any event, the people of Baltimore will have fun watching it all unfold. Where do you think we’ll be in 10 years?
KRIS: Divorced?
ANNA: We’ll split up like Bruce and Demi. We’ll be best friends and live next door to each other, so we can have sex every once in a while, and we’ll both get lovers who are 20 years younger than we are.
Watch exclusive behind-the-scenes video footage of Anna Benson's photo shoot!