FHM tries to break world records

Time was if you wanted to be a record-breaker, you needed a combination of dedication and application sprinkled with a generous sprinkling of natural ability. But now? Now it seems all this has been replaced by imagination. After reading about Ice Age 3’s publicity-generating tallest ice sculpture stunt, surely FHM could find something we could be world-beaters at. After all there are records for the world’s longest wedding dress; the most pool balls lifted by tongue; the record for number of records. After toying with creating a new record – at one stage we were considering the world’s largest ever bikini photo shoot (minimum of 300 ladies required if you want to try it yourself) - we decided that would be cheating. After all we wanted to break a record. Not create one.

So, do stupid titles make for easily breakable records? To truly answer the question we decided to put four know-nothing novices into play. A quartet of guinea pigs, who signed up for the challenge without knowing what record they were trying to break, let alone practicing for it. That said, we did pick records that jumped out of the book screaming ‘doable!’ and required no actual skill. Records named eating the highest number of Brussels sprouts and smashing the largest number of eggs with your head, both in one minute. “I get what you’re doing,” smiles head of the Guinness World Record global records management team, and our adjudicator for the day, Marco Frigatti, before checking his stopwatch and sprinting down the stairs to take the sprouts off the boil. “People see some of the names of the records and laugh, but all of the records have rules and if you don’t play by them, you will not break them... they, however, may break you.”

MOST BRUSSELS SPROUTS EATEN IN ONE MINUTE

Current record: 25

Key rules: Sprouts must be at least 2.5cm in diameter, boiled for nine minutes and eaten one at a time. Mouth must be empty before moving on to next sprout.

After some nervous shuffling and some discussion as to what Marco could possibly mean, we’re off and seeking green-veg-quaffing related glory. A sprout every two seconds. Sounds possible, right? Wrong. It’s utterly, inexorably impossible. Current record holder, Duncan Allen, we salute you. First challenger, Deputy Production Editor Guy Parsons, chokes – literally - swallowing just three, and retching up two others in a manner akin to a motherly blackbird. Staff Writer Josh Woodfin fares better, but still manages a paltry six, 19 shy of the record. Marco looks annoyed, and it’s understandable. We seem to be wasting his time.